March 3rd, 2012

old gm building

operation: try not to die alone

My bullshit false modesty about dating-related LiveJournal posts isn't fooling you, and it isn't fooling myself. So let's get on with it.

Operation: Try Not To Die Alone is yielding mixed results. Before tonight I had two OK Cupid dates. The Thursday date went really well and we have a second date planned; and the date last Saturday certainly was not bad, but I did not feel a connection to her. She was cute and cool, but asking yourself if you feel drawn to someone is like asking whether or not you are hungry or if you should have children: if you aren't sure, the answer is "no". Unfortunately, there is no way to say "let's be friends" without sounding like an asshole, so I hope it happens on its own.

And then there was tonight's date. This woman actually emailed *me* first, and was the only person to do so on OK Cupid. Although she wasn't exactly my type, I thought, "What the hell?" What I took as flattery should have been "clue number one". After we planned to meet up, I was looking through her answers to the site's survey questions. One of the questions asks users if they are on the site to find a partner with whom they wish to have children, and she answered "yes". So that was "clue number two" right there.

Now, I'm obviously no Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Having said that, let's not pretend that it isn't a bad feeling to experience thorough non-attraction to one's date. This wasn't a case of "You're cute but I'm not feeling it"--it was more like, "Oh god, I don't have to, do I??" Before Operation: Try Not To Die Alone was initiated, I only dated people I either previously knew as friends or first hung out with under platonic pretenses. This policy shall be reinstituted immediately following tomorrow's final OK Cupid date.

Here's an idea: Don't go to your place of employment on a first date. I thought going to Friday Night Live at the DIA would be cool because I can get myself and guests in for free. God has clearly punished me for being a cheap asshole. I was walking around thinking, "I hope no one thinks that this person is my date," and then remembering that she is. I kept on hoping that the staff who work evenings would all be people who I don't know--but no, it was all the same security officers, front desk clerks, etc. as usual.

As if that wasn't bad enough, she brought along a book that she had borrowed from the programming manager who was coincidentally her ex-brother-in-law (or something). I tried to explain to her that he is working right now and doesn't want to hang onto a fucking book while trying to manage the logistics of a live musical performance. I remained seated when she brought it up to him. I hope she didn't tell him who she was with, but I'm pretty sure that God saw to it that I was punished for my shallowness as well as my cheapness.

And just to add a special touch of weirdness to it all, the woman stared at my shoulders the entire evening. So what the fuck was THAT? I actually started to ask her at some point, but she interrupted me and I decided to just drop it. She stared at them with increasing frequency until by the time I dropped her off at her car, she was literally just sitting there and looking right at them while talking to me. It gave me the heebie-jeebies.

I came home and inactivated my OK Cupid account. However, as I mentioned I do have one final OK Cupid date tomorrow evening, but I am actually optimistic about it.